It’s suffocating. After a long day, we were on the phone, “talking it out” on our latest misunderstanding and the conversation has left me feeling mostly empty at first, but then reality struck, that no, he’s not going to comfort me. He’s..never that kind of guy, i guess..Instead he munches on the goddamn snack and let me be while here i am feeling on the edge of tipping to that place where even pain feels like a saving grace. If i do, it’s the same cycle all over again. I can’t take his anger, even when he said that he’s really just mad, not at anybody, just…mad. I can’t take it. I can’t. And it’s probably just me, because i’m so weak, because i’m broken, that i can’t take him being angry even if it’s not directed at me. This is such a weird feeling, i feel numb, but then i feel like wrapping my arms around myself – and i’m afraid to take a deep breath because then i won’t be able to stop sobbing. It hurts so damn much. And suddenly, i’m unsure if i want him to care for me or leave me alone because both will broke me to pieces. But then again, he probably doesn’t care…I’m such an idiot, why would i even hope for someone to make me feel important when i’m not? Dammit dammit dammit this is my own fault for believing that somebody will finally pull me out of my depression, i should’ve known better.